he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
as a side note pls kill me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
