You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
