Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
