Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
