Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
