I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
