you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
