everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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