My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
