I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
