it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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