Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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