And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
