so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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