Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
