glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
