went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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