Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
