I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
