I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Enjoy the penises
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
