Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
