naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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