Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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