peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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