If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Nicole vs. Life
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
