My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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