Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
