Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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