i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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