Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
