No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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