somebody snuck up and got me drunk
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
