that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
