I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
