i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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