Please, let me fuck your mom
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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