im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
