dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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