My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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