i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
