I cannot find my penis.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
