You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
