if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
