My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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