dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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