Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
