Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Randomize
