so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
