my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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