i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
